


Warmth

by MissSunFlower94



Series: Illustrations of a Wizard in Love [7]
Category: Mairelon the Magician - Patricia Wrede
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Jealousy, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, the whole unrequited love gambit, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 10:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20691785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSunFlower94/pseuds/MissSunFlower94
Summary: "She stood close to him, her shoulder barely brushing his, subconsciously seeking the warmth of another person. Certainly her proximity had him warmer than he might have been – warmer than he knew he should have been feeling.Richard Merrill didn’t usually give much thought to how he should behave by the standards of society, save for anything that caused public disgrace. However, contrary to what some who knew him might say, he wasn’t entirely shameless."Having a crush is terrible. Having a crush on your ward is unbearable.





	Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I love pining, and pining plus the guilt of knowing you shouldn't want the person you do is just *chef's kiss*
> 
> Also the longer you headcanon Richard being aware of his feelings for Kim the longer you can imagine him being just... the most miserable about it. That's my jam.

It was an unseasonably chilly night, the steady rain not doing anything to help matters, and Richard would have considered going back inside, rather than waiting under the awning for their carriage to arrive.

_Would_ have, were Kim not standing out there with him and he was not about to leave her there alone – with his mother and aunt still trapped in some conversation with their loquacious dinner host. Kim had claimed a headache, but he could tell that was only to avoid the same fate. She still preferred the cold and the rain to tedious social interaction and he did not particularly blame her.

She stood close to him, her shoulder barely brushing his, subconsciously seeking the warmth of another person. Certainly her proximity had him warmer than he might have been – warmer than he knew he should have been feeling.

Richard Merrill didn’t usually give much thought to how he should behave by the standards of society, save for anything that caused public disgrace. However, contrary to what some who knew him might say, he wasn’t _entirely_ shameless.

He’d always considered making Kim his ward a somewhat superfluous step in making her his apprentice. It was the quickest, simplest way to keep her off the streets (and in his life), so he’d gone with it but as far as he was concerned, he was her guardian in name only. Nonetheless, guardian and ward was what they were and he had no way to know if she saw their legal position with each other as he did. She might very well consider him the nearest to a parental figure she’d ever had. A disturbing thought, with him not quite eight years older than her, but not impossible.

And even if she_ did_ see him the way he had always seen her – as his equal, companion and dear friend – that was almost worse. Earning Kim’s trust in the past year had been a slow, delicate process that even now remained somewhat tenuous, and it felt like the worst kind of betrayal, the way Richard caught himself wanting to draw her closer for more than just warmth.

A breeze turned the rain toward them and Kim stepped even nearer, blissfully oblivious to her guardian’s thoughts. She hugged her arms around herself and he could_ feel _her shiver. Richard forced thought of gathering her into his arms out of his mind and spoke quietly. “It can’t be much longer, but if you’re feeling chill I’m sure it’s safe for you to go back inside. Mrs. Northbrook will have to have stopped for breath by now - or passed out for lack of it. ”

Kim gave a small snort of laughter and then smiled at him over her shoulder, which warmed him even more than her closeness. Good lord, it was remarkable how long he’d been able to remain oblivious to his feelings for her when he had always, _always_ loved that smile. Loved knowing he was the one person who could coax it from her.

Well, he had been, in any case. She had laughed, really laughed, at something the gentleman sitting beside her at dinner had said. He hadn’t been near enough to hear the comment but the sound of her mirth had caught his attention, and he’d looked over in time to see her cover her mouth with a hand, her eyes glittering with surprised delight. He hadn’t recognized the young man – not the increasingly present Lord Franton – but that hadn’t made it any easier for Richard to breathe. He had rapidly looked away, returning to picking at a dinner he'd already not had any taste for, feeling something close to ill.

Perhaps that was the worst of it all, actually. If he truly loved Kim, then what he should want most is for her to be happy. That had always been what he had wanted for her in the past. But now, and perhaps even back then if he were being honest, the thought of that happiness coming from anyone but him was unbearable.

Kim’s smile faded slightly, a worried crease forming between her eyebrows. He hated that the current issues of his magic were upsetting her, and hated even more that he was almost relieved that it was all she would read into his peculiar behavior. “I’ll go inside if you come, too,” she said firmly.

“Someone has to watch for the coach,” he pointed out.

“Then have one of the footmen do it,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You look bout as cold as I feel.”

When Richard hesitated a second longer, thinking it over – on one hand, he was very cold and didn’t particularly want her to leave him, but on the other, he needed to clear his head and he couldn't do that with her so close – Kim’s smile returned and effectively made thinking impossible. “If you don’t come inside neither will I, and then you’ll have to get jawed at by your mother and your aunt about lettin me _catch a chill_.” She mimicked his aunt’s voice on the last words and startled a laugh out of him.

“Now that,” he said. “Is an unfair tactic if there ever was one.”

She grinned in open triumph. “You’re only sayin that because I’m right.”

He shook his head, still smiling in spite of himself and everything else. She was wonderful like that, made even his worst moods brighter. “Yes, yes, you are,” he agreed. “Very well. Shall we?”

Richard paused, then offered her his arm. Kim took it without hesitation, still basking in her victory. Or perhaps, she was so comfortable with him that the gesture didn’t garner second thought. He would take that, that warmth of familiarity, over anything else. No matter if it hurt or not, he resolved to never lose that.


End file.
